Variety in the Garden...

Hello, it's Brenda once again planting another blog post. This blog is all about growth and change. In order to accomplish that, you need variety. As they say; "Variety is the spice of life." I am however, taking a different approach in presenting this. I live with 2 distinct challenges. The key is that I live with them, not suffer. I don't want or need anyone's pity. I've been on these journeys for a very long time and I would like to share in the following paragraphs what I have learned. Let me break it down for you.

In May of 1991, almost 33 years ago, I walked out of the rheumatologist's office with over 10 pamphlets given to me by his nurse on how to live with Rheumatoid Arthritis or RA for the rest of my life. I wasn't even actually told my diagnosis out loud. Being handed those pamphlets was my answer. I had to head back to work as a receptionist at the clinic where I am currently employed. It was a Wednesday morning in May, which ironically happened to be Arthritis Awareness Month, something I was not privy to at the time. I was in shock obviously and had a conversation with my supervisor at the time. This wasn't something that could be hidden, as I was already using a cane and starting to experience joint deformity in my fingers. It was progressing at a fast pace and I was terrified, angry and felt so alone.

It wasn't long after that I had another visit with my then rheumatologist. I am currently on my 4th one. Either they retired or moved away. I kind of got off track, That will be explained more with my next variety in this garden that I will be sharing. Back to my visit that day. He didn't know me at all. His response was to go on disability and have my husband take care of me. There was definitely no husband in the picture. I told him out right that I would continue to work until I no longer could. This June 2nd, I will be starting my 37th year at the clinic full-time I might add. Take that RA! Needless to say, I didn't want anything to do with him, with that negative attitude. I pretty much put it in my Primary Care Physician's hands that I had at the time to be in charge of my care. I fought hard for my job and quality of life. It wasn't easy, as they wanted me to go part-time and that was not going to happen. If you ever meet me, you will find out early on that I'm a fighter. Part of my German heritage of being stubborn. I'm proud of it and don't ever count me out. 

Fast forward to 2020 when I was declared in clinical RA joint remission for the 2nd time by my now current rheumatologist. The first time was in 2010 by my 2nd rheumatologist on my 1st visit with him. It was short-lived, but I never gave up hope that it would happen once again. Funny thing about the 2nd time of being in remission, I wasn't actually told. I read it in his notes after my 2nd visit. That seems to be a pattern and something that needs to change. I had a talk with him about not being told and he apologized. Every visit since, we address it and after 4 years, it's still remains a reality. It's largely due to my taking a biologic for almost 23 years. My first injection was on April 20, 2001. I mentioned that dates are a thing with those of us in the brain tumor community in my previous blogs. That brings me to my next variety in this garden. Let me continue in the next paragraph.

In 2008 I started to experience severe head pain, not a headache. I know the difference, as I had lived with migraines for over 30 years. I had experienced a head injury several years prior and did nothing about it, something I wouldn't recommend, but that ship had sailed. I asked for a CT as mentioned up above that I work at a clinic, so I knew who to contact. My Primary Care Physician's nurse told me not once but twice during our phone conversation; "If we find nothing, we are done." Imagine hearing that? I had the CT and lo and behold a mass or lesion was found and now an MRI would have to be performed. Guess who told me this was the next step? Unbelievable, I wasn't crazy after all. You as a patient always knows your body better than anyone else. Always listen to it and its signals. I'm sure glad I did. My 2nd MRI was more successful as it was under sedation. The 1st one lasted about 6 minutes, as I found out I was claustrophobic. I have always had a fear of being left under some rubble somewhere, so no surprise. Anyway, it showed that I had what is called a Meningioma no larger than a walnut and that it could be watched. No one ever used the word brain tumor, which it was, only mass, lesion or Meningioma, the type of brain tumor I ended up having. Again, not being told the correct terminology in the first place. This type of brain tumor grows slowly and they figured mine had been growing for at least 20 years. So in all likelihood, when I found out about my RA, I was already walking around with a brain tumor. It blows my mind! 

On September 8, 2008, which will be 16 years this year, I had 'Mini' evicted. The idea for the name was my late mother's because of it ending up being almost the size of a golf ball. My mother had a great sense of humor, dry. I inherited her sense of humor. So grateful that did not leave after my craniotomy. 

This blog was created in her memory and she was with me during my early days of both my living with RA and my becoming a brain tumor survivor. None of which were easy, especially for her. I asked her to come to be with me after my diagnosis of RA, as she was 100 miles away at the time. I ended up going home for a week to try and make sense of all of this. Gossip as it was, had me leaving the city and going back home to live with my parents. That never happened. 

My mother ended up being my caregiver after my craniotomy and that was not an easy time either. I was now dealing with a variety of changes, some were pretty unsettling. My personality for one. I could cry at the drop of a hat and had no idea why. I also now dealt with jaw pain from the halo that was put around my head and face during the procedure and head pain like nothing I've ever experienced. It was all trauma from the craniotomy. Nausea, vertigo still at times, comes along for the ride. A variety indeed. They were able to remove the entire brain tumor, for which I was grateful for, but I've never been the same since. This was a new journey that I had embarked on. This time though, it came with some great things too and that is what I want to concentrate on in the following paragraph.

Writing came knocking at my door one day almost a year later. I had started journaling in earnest 6 months following my craniotomy, but this was different. Blogging was becoming the in-thing and I thought I would try my hand at it. I had no idea that it would end up resonating with others out there in cyberspace. I was involved in another online group at the time, that has since disbanded, but they were so supportive of my starting this blog. Brenda's Brainstorm (A Inspiration out of the Blue) was founded on a Friday morning before work. I sat down and composed my first blog post. It was titled; 'Life after a Brain Tumor.' I ended up adding a storyteller in 2011 to spice it up. Trevor or T Man was a great way to have my creative juices stretched and it seemed to work out quite well. You can still read that blog, as I discontinued it in 2022. I started this one in November of 2022 and I love being able to apply it to growth and change, which is all a part of the blooming process. As I mentioned up above, I sometimes get off track with my train of thought, all part of this variety of becoming a brain tumor survivor. 

I ended up coauthoring 2 books. One in 2016 and the other the following year. Each sharing my personal experiences along with all the other contributing writers. I have also been a contributing writer to several other books. You can read about this on my Amazon author page. I hope you check it out. The link is as follows.

https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B01LZ5NCRP/about

So this is the variety in my garden. I hope you've enjoyed this special planted blog post. Writing for me is a healing balm and I hope you find variety... in your gardens of life. 

I will be sharing something a bit different at the end of this planted blog post. 

Until next time, KEEP BLOOMING! 

❤️Brenda