To My Best Friend in the Garden...

Hello, it's Brenda here, planting another blog post. This one is going to be much different and personal. A couple of years ago, I penned a letter to my best friend in life, my late mother and I'm going to do that once again. I've been missing her something awful and have so much to share with her. I thought it was also a good and healthy way to get my feelings out. I hope my readers find some help and solace from it as well. 

It's Arthritis and Brain Tumor Awareness Month, so you will understand where I'm going with this. I haven't had the desire to write or share anything for months now, so I thought this would be the best way to convey it in a letter. 

Dear Mom,

It been almost 14 years since you left this earth on May 31, 2011. It was a Tuesday afternoon and I had spent the better part of the day by your bedside along with several visitors, one being a cousin, who visited you many times while you were in the nursing home. We cleaned out your room after you had passed away that afternoon. 

My one ultimate wish that year, was that you would be with me for one more Mother's Day. It was granted and we had a wonderful day. We were able to sit outside and look at all the beautiful flowers. You were able to tell me what they were, as you had a green thumb, when it came to planting and seeing things produce and grow. That's why I decided to name this blog in your memory. I was able to give you several wheelchair rides that day, that you enjoyed so much. It was great being able to get out in the sun and enjoy the day. That was May 8, 2011. It was also the same date almost 34 years ago, that I found out that I had Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA). 

It was during those first few months, that I didn't know what my life would be like. I called you, as you were 100 miles away at the time, to come and stay with me. I was only 3 years into my new career at the clinic and things were progressing quickly. I thought my life was pretty much over and my days of working were numbered. 

Somehow, with your help and my stubbornness, things started to change a bit. I fought hard for those first 10 years. I maintained my employment, with being moved to another department that would make it easier for my working conditions. All the while trying to find that right combination of medications that would help me. 

As you know on April 20, 2001, I had my first injection with a biologic. You were a big part of that experience, because you helped me with injections. It was pretty hard to administer with my non-dominant hand and you were a big help to me. I'm still administering it after 24 years. It's so much easier, as you know I finally was able to get the SureClick Autoinjector. You were with me for all of these changes. Thanks to a scientist who discovered the tumor necrosis factor or TNF in the first place, so that biologics could be manufactured. He has long since passed, but I had a chance to wish him a happy birthday once and thank him for giving me my life back. 

Our next big challenge happened in 2008, when on August 26th I was diagnosed with a right frontal lobe meningioma. We didn't even realize at the time that it was a brain tumor. It was referred to as a mass, lesion or meningioma. On September 8, 2008 on a rainy Monday morning, you drove me to the hospital to undergo a craniotomy to get this beast evicted. They were able to get it removed completely in one piece. You once again were there to help relieve my burden. You were a wonderful caregiver. You insisted that I stay with you for at least a week after. The first year was hard and difficult at times. I'm not proud of some of the ways I acted, but coming to a realization that I had sustained an acquired brain injury, helped us both to understand my behavior and with your help and patience, we were able to get through that too. I'm more aware of what happened and I no longer feel bad or ashamed for it. I know my limits and when I feel like it's too much, I isolate and give myself a break. 

Well Mom, one month from today, I will be celebrating my 37th year with the clinic. Who thought that would ever happen back in 1991? A little over a week ago, we had our recognition banquet and I was presented with a beautiful bouquet of flowers with white roses. I thought of you and knew you would have loved them. I had to stand up, as I was recognized for 36 years of service. I wish you could have been there. The banquet hall was decorated with balloons and stars hanging. I didn't realize that they had names on them. A couple of days later I was given one that I proudly have displayed at my workstation. 

Spring has finally arrived here. I have yet to have only seen 2 Robins in my backyard. It's that time of year, that I miss you so much. I hope you enjoyed my being able to share thoughts with you, I thought it would be nice to share my flowers with you, as I know how much you loved gardening. 

I miss you so much Mom, and hope you are proud of your baby girl.

❤️Brenda❤️