Pouring My Heart Out in the Garden...

Hi, it's Brenda once again planting another blog post. I realize it's been several months since I've shared anything. A lot has been going on with work and my personal life. 

Yesterday marked 16½ years, since I became a brain tumor survivor. It's also Brain Injury Awareness Month, so what I'm about to share comes out of living with an acquired brain injury. I believe in being real here. 

The past few months have been challenging. I lost my kindred spirit who I was connected with for over 16 years. We never met in person, but we talked on the phone, primarily on weekends. She would usually initiate the calls, but they were meaningful every time. I miss her so much. We got each other and now I feel lost and alone in all of this. 

I've tried to keep busy and organize things around the apartment. How does one accumulate so much stuff? I'm proud to say that I've made some great progress thus far. We had inspectors come into our units several weeks ago and tomorrow, a maintenance technician will be coming to fix some areas that were noted during their inspection. It will be 33 years next month that I moved here, so this is not a surprise, that they would find things that need to be attended to. 

I also have noticed that I've been experiencing things in my life that have been pushed off. I've been dealing with a lot more pain lately in my ankles and it's been suggested by my rheumatologist that I have them injected. The problem is, that would mean some downtime for me. I've been doing extra duties since one of my colleagues has been out on short term disability, due to a surgery. They come back tomorrow, but I don't expect for them to be at full capacity, so I will still be helping out as much as I can. It's taken a toll on my joints, something I don't talk about a lot. I handle it by resting on the weekends to help get the swelling down on my ankles. 

I know at some point, I will need to address getting this taken care of, but for now, I have to keep pushing, because there is no other choice. My friendships have been suffering as well. I have to turn down invites, because I'm too exhausted by the end of the day to even entertain the possibility of doing anything fun. I've been in bed most evenings before 8:00 p.m. even on weekends. 

I'm so grateful I can get my groceries delivered, because I don't possess the strength and energy to do all that walking, lifting and putting them away after a shopping trip. 

This is also the time of year that many memories seep in of my mother's illness and her ultimate passing in the nursing home. I miss her so much at times. She was my best friend in life. 

I've been crying more out of frustration and this is all part of my frontal lobe syndrome, my acquired brain injury. I make no apologies for this. I keep a lot to myself and music has been my solace and companion these past few months. My daily practice of writing in my journal has sustained me as well. 

I found this graphic and it speaks volumes to me.



                                                                                  Source Unknown

Take care of your gardens of life.
Brenda ❤️




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