A Garden of Reflections...

Hello, it's Brenda once again planting another blog post. This one is in the early hours on a Sunday morning. I'm wide awake, so I thought that sitting down and sharing with my readers what has been on my heart these past few days could be another source of therapy for me. As this blog post is being planted, I am listening to soothing guitar music playing in the background. 

Last week Wednesday, was the 12th anniversary of my mother's passing. It was a day of reflection and yes, also a day of tears. Along with that came a nice surprise. I don't believe that anything is a coincidence. It was late in the afternoon, when I had a knock at my door. When I went to go see who it was, I saw that a package had been left. I hadn't ordered anything, so I was a bit puzzled. I believe my mother was working her magic in this happening on that day. Let me continue in the next paragraph.

I received a certificate encased in a beautiful crystal glass frame, in commemoration of my 35th work anniversary, which was to actually be 2 days later. I also got to pick out a service award for this milestone. This was quite frankly a day I thought would never come to fruition at the time of my diagnosis with rheumatoid arthritis (RA). As my mother would have told you, I'm a fighter and don't give up that easily, even though there were those sadly in the medical community that wanted me to. I was advised to go on disability, by my then rheumatologist and have my husband take care of me. He didn't even really know me. There was no husband to speak of. Like I told him at the time, I will work until I no longer can. Here I am still working full-time and last Friday started my 36th year at the clinic. 

So it's been a few days of ups and downs with emotions and still have another anniversary to face this week. It will be 20 years since my sister Bev passed away from colorectal cancer on June 6th. I shared my blog post on her, as I do every year on Facebook, as it's the one way I can continue to honor her memory. 

I will be taking this Tuesday off, as I'm sure it could be a difficult day for me. Bev was the core of our family, as I have mentioned before in previous blog posts. I can't help but think that things would be so much different, if she were still here. 

It has been real warm these past few days, so my barometer head has been much worse. Those in my brain tumor survival camp understand where I'm coming from. Crying makes it much worse. My RA has also been wreaking havoc. A lot of this I deal with in silence, but this is one place where I feel is safe to share. 

I've had a lot of time to reflect these past few days. I'm grateful for the mother I had and how she taught me to stand up for myself. That's one of the main reasons I believe so strongly in advocacy. I could have given up many years ago and there are days even now, that would be so easy to do. Perceptions are a big one for me. My thinking becomes clouded at times and life can become difficult to handle. Writing is a healing balm for me and as I've said before, a source of therapy. We all have our ways of coping. Grief has no timetable and along with even the happy events in our lives, it can become overwhelming at times. 

I've certainly shed some happy tears the past few days too. 35 years is a long time to be employed at one place. I've had the luxury of moving to several departments over the years. Part of that was due to the progression of my RA, but it has also been a chance to learn new things and grow as a person. I believe that knowledge is power. I love variety, always have. This blog is all about growing and changing. It was an inspiration from my mother as she loved gardening. 

I'm going to leave you with a poem as I usually do. It's about winning my fight with RA, which is actually the title. I hope you find it encouraging. 

Until next time, keep on blooming!

❤️Brenda